I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. We are living together, we have two pets together, and we are planning to get married, and buy a house. Everything SHOULD be perfect… But I was snooping… (which I know is wrong, but my gut feelings are that something is going on that isn’t good.)
I found that he is subscribed to OKcupid.com and adultfriendfinder.com… which are basically sites to find dates or hook up. I knew he was subscribed to adult friend finder, and I asked him to cancel his account… he SAID he did… but he still opens EVERY email from that site and okcupid. From okcupid he was talking to a match he had, but he told her he was attached (she wasn’t very pretty anyway) I don’t understand why he even bothers with opening and answering those emails unless he IS looking for someone else. I feel like I’m being a bad girlfriend for not trusting him. Other than that he hasn’t given me any reasons not to trust him (like sneaking around etc…) I don’t know what to do anymore. my heart is breaking. How should I address this? PLEASE, I’m begging for help.
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Ask yourself:
If you were NOT looking for someone, and you were attached (Which you ARE!) would you even RISK getting innocently caught with these accounts?
My guess would be, "No way!"
HE is a bullshit artist, if you ask me!
i am a young man so ill be honset a man will only stray if he is not satisfied at home, so there must be things in the bedroom that he wants that u are unwilling to do, so he is searching for satisfaction , not a new girlfriend.hope this helps..**** I AM IN THE PLAYPEN WITH SWEET MILDRED***
Marriage should be built on trust…..Can you trust him??
Wow!
This is very bad!! Why would he have accounts on those web sites!! He is not taking you seriuos then.. Talk to him..BUt a serious talk..Ask him if he wants you or if he is looking for someone else… Tell him your not gonna take that.. To make a choise..either you or those web sites ( which those web sites are saying choosing you or all those other women) . If he really loves you then he should cancell those accounts …make him to it when your there seeing though.. Ask him why he wants those accounts if he;s not looking for someone else
OK, I’m going to sound like such a bible thumper here, but here goes…
Go out and rent the movie "FireProof." It’s about "fireproofing" your marriage. Now, I know you’re not married yet, but if you’re serious about taking your relationship to that level, it may just be worth it.
Watch it alone, and see if it speaks to you and your situation. If it does, watch it together. If possible, follow it with a serious heart to heart.
I would be VERY careful about being with a guy that is doing what he’s doing. It can’t end well. Don’t fall for any crud like "oh, I was just curious" it will lead to something more, and there won’t be a happy ending for you.
You don’t have an easy situation ahead of you, but if you ignore it, it won’t go away, and it won’t get better. Be strong. Good luck.
Sounds like he’s not ready to be monogamous. And you are absolutely right not to trust him. I think you need to start by thinking the situation over, and deciding for yourself how much you are willing to tolerate. Different people have different ideas on what it means to be "committed"; you can have an open relationship and still be committed to your marriage. But it’s not for everyone. Ask yourself - if this is something he does for fun (hooking up, or at least fantasizing about hooking up, with other women), are you willing to stick around if it doesn’t change? Are you willing to overlook certain indiscretions? If you know you cannot, you have to be honest with yourself and with him, and tell him point blank that you know about his online activities, and that if things like this continue, you are going to leave the relationship. Just make sure you’re prepared to follow through with it.
He is having need for the affair or is having an emotional affair. Cheating is another story, and everyone has their own definition as to what that is. A newer, more recent thing that has popped up in psychology circles is what’s called the "emotional affair" - it’s what takes place when a committed person starts giving more attention, energy, and thought to someone they’re not committed to. In an emotional affair, the person doesn’t have sex with this third person, but they may tell that person things their gf doesn’t know, they give that person more attention, they fantasize about that person, and things may escalate to the point where there is danger of a physical affair developing.
My definition of cheating = going outside of your relationship and doing things with another person that you would not do if your partner was standing right there. Unlike some people, I don’t consider fantasizing cheating because it’s human to think about sex. You should ask him at least to stop. Also the most common answer to why people cheat is that something is wrong in the relation and the affair is a bi-product of those problems, even when most other aspects of the relationship are working well. It does not diminish the fact that Infidelity is a pattern of behavior that seeks self-satisfaction at the expense of commitment to another. It strikes at the core defining characteristics of relation. Two people determine to share themselves with each other in a way that is unique to them and not shared by others. They agree that the levels of trust and accountability, expected of each other will be greater than found in any other of their relationships. They share physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual intimacy, not found in other relationship.
u had gut feeling something wasnt right and ur cut is always right and once again just proved it.
if he want full committment he wouldnt be on these sites and not only that he is LAIR and proved it by telling u 1thing (deleting his account) and actually doing another (keeping it active).
many people who just want sex will tell the person they speaking to they have gf at home, they get bit action and everything that comes with a gf role.
mate mine does just that, on dating sites and seek men for sex, she tells her bf she has to work or meeting with other friends but really meeting other men for sex - as she sees it its best both worlds, money and somebody at home and all the men wants while out.
dont think for second not on there for nothing and its all innocent - something that was so innocent he wouldnt be hiden it and lying about it all - he is not to be trusted and i would advice get STD test as he is putting ur health at risk and also move out leave his scummy @ss!
i dont agree with anybody cheating and its 1thing is disrespect about my mate - always gets ear full off me but sure wouldnt listen. so why keep in relationship where there no honesty, no faithfullness (online and hiden it from u is just cheating also) no respect for u as if there was he wouldnt be doing what he is and certainly no love for u - u can do better! goodluck